


Romantically Impaired

by ikuzonos



Category: Dangan Ronpa, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drabble, Established Relationship, F/M, Tumblr Prompt, kaede doesn't actually appear but kaito's impression is spot on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9588701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikuzonos/pseuds/ikuzonos
Summary: Saihara regrets all of his life choices.





	

“Are you on google? Because… I’ve been searching for you… on google.”

“You’re hopeless.”

Saihara threw his hands in the air, “I’m sorry! But pick up lines are… kind of weird. Besides, I’m already dating her, so why do I need these?”

Kaito snorted, “Because they sound cool? Listen,  _you_  came to  _me_  for romance advice. Try harder!”

Saihara replied, “Maybe if you took that stupid wig off I could concentrate.”

Kaito reluctantly removed the seven dollar rapunzel wig, “Fine. Try another one!”

Saihara took a deep breath, “Do you always wear shoes over your socks?”

Kaito choked, “What the fuck?! What does that even  _mean?_  Shuuichi-kun, listen. I know you’re romance impaired-”

“Says the one who hasn’t been in a relationship for three years.”

Kaito stuck out his tongue, “Akamatsu-san isn’t going to fall head over heels for you if you say something stupid like that. Dig deep, come up with something… alluring. Try one of the sexier ones.”

Saihara’s face flushed, “I’m not saying those ones in front of  _you!”_

Kaito threw the wig back on, “Why not? It’s me, Akamatsu! Your lovely girlfriend! Do you have something to say?”

Saihara gritted his teeth, “I… lost my virginity. Can I have yours?”

Kaito burst into laughter. Saihara glared at him.

When the purple haired man managed to calm down, he said, “I changed my mind. Don’t use those ones on her. You blush like a beet when she holds your hand anyways.”

Saihara got to his feet, “I’m done with you. I’m asking Chabashira-san for help.”

“Bad idea.”

“She wouldn’t betray me like this!” Saihara responded, getting up and leaving the dorm. Once he was outside in the hall, he took a deep breath, then phoned Tenko.

“Momota-san’s pick up lines not doing it for you?” she said as soon as she picked up.

Saihara said, “Please help me.”

Tenko snickered, “You’ve come to the right place! Meet Tenko in the gym in ten minutes!”

Saihara agreed quickly, then broke into a run.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kaito was back to laughing at Saihara’s inability to use a pickup line.


End file.
